Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Waxing on Purpose and Ellie Goulding

So I'm a big fan of Spotify... I just tried it out about a month ago, and I wonder why I never tried it before. It is awesome, like Pandora and iTunes had a beautiful baby together.

I've been trying out different stations and genres in the Radio feature. Right now, I seem to have found a happy balance of contemporary Christian, Ellie Goulding, and Sarah Bareilles by turns.

A song popped up on my Ellie Goulding playlist called "Your Biggest Mistake." I was just casually listening to the songs as they played through, but this one caught my attention for the message it contains, at least for me. Take a listen (and a read-through of the lyrics snippet below):

It's a shame you don't know 
What you're running from
Would your bones have to break
And your lights turn off
Would it take the end of time
To hear your heart's false start? 

You know this is your biggest mistake
What a waste, what a waste, what a waste
And of all the things you never explained
You know this is your biggest mistake
--Ellie Goulding, "Your Biggest Mistake"
This song really speaks to me, because I often feel the same way about myself. I don't know what I want in life, at least not on a concrete level. I also feel like I take the good things in my life for granted a lot of the time. Would something catastrophic have to happen in my personal life for me to "wake up," for me to take advantage of my abilities and the opportunities I'm presented with?

In the past (and even now), I've felt like I've been wasting my life and potential, watching the world go by. When I was in the pit of my depression, I felt this huge despair that I would never have anything to offer or show for my life when it came to a close. Now that I am more stable mood-wise, I don't feel the same level of anxiety, but that doesn't mean it's not still there.

I think a lot about what my purpose is in my own life and others', what God put me into this world for. 

I know that thinking and praying about it is only part of the equation, though. The other half of it is putting those thoughts into motion somehow. I'll be the first to admit that I have issues with wanting to control my life and where it goes. Even though I feel like I've gotten a bit better at communicating with God and letting Him "take the wheel" in a way, I still constantly find myself fighting Him to drive my own road sometimes.

Spoiler: It hasn't really worked so far. 

Whenever I say, "Bugger off and let me do things my way for a bit, please," God finds a way to tell me, "Uh, no. Let me remind you who's really in control and has the best plan for you, here."

So back to my point, which is how I'm trying to find a good balance between thought, prayer, action, and trust. Let me know if anybody has the answer to this, because I'd love to know what it is!

Do you have any songs that speak to you on a personal level? Share in the comments!

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